Thursday, December 17, 2009

Geological Summit Concludes ‘Grand Canyon’ Not So “Grand” After All

A group of geologists from around the globe convened in northern Arizona this week to discuss the Grand Canyon. The consensus - “Mediocre at best”. Dr. Phillip Flagship, the director of the meeting said, “We have long suspected that the moniker “Grand” was just a hipshot of early pioneers or perhaps a loosely interpreted publicity stunt, but until now we had no conclusive evidence. You have some of the top geologists from universities around the world as well as a number of irrefutable carbon studies that concur. The sad fact is, it’s really not that great of a canyon. We used our rock hammers and little hand brooms as well as other little rock tools to take samples from everywhere from the canyon rim to the riverbed. We put all of our soil and rocks in petri dishes and examined them with high-powered microscopes and everything. I’m satisfied with the findings.”
When I asked Dr. Anne Goldstein of the L.U.A. her professional opinion of the canyon she just shrugged her shoulders and said, “it’s alright, I guess.”
“If you look at rocks and stuff from a scientific viewpoint you’ll understand that this canyon had literally millions and millions of years of erosion, tectonic shifting and upheavals to form. Viewed through that lens, you’d expect something with a little more pizazz”, said Dr. Goldstein in her concluding remarks.
The report sent shock waves through the National Parks organization who lauded the scientific efforts of the team but officially denied any knowledge of any wrongdoing in the naming of the canyon and formally disagreed with the panel. “We think it’s a fantastic canyon. In fact its one of our best”, exclaimed David Billings of the National Parks Administration. “Nevertheless, we’re working to provide the public with some of the finest canyons, forests and mountains anywhere on earth and we’re committed to that. I think 2010 is going to be a banner year for canyons in general and, most likely, next summer will be the premier of something special we've been working on..” Billings declined to elaborate but the term “Supercanyon” has been heard. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

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