Saturday, May 29, 2010

Are You The Kind of Person Who:

1. Do you ever leave garbage in a shopping cart?
2. Do you ever leave your shopping cart in the parking lot somewhere instead of returning it to its "corral"?
3. If a piece of garbage falls out of your car while the door is open, do you always pick it up, or do you let it stay on the ground? How about if the wind catches it...will you chase after it to pick it up?
4. If you're in line at the grocery store and it's time to pay and/or acknowledge your cashier but you're on the phone, will you continue to talk on the phone or will you tell them you'll call them back in a minute and courteously attend to the business at hand?
5. Do you ever wear t-shirts with negative slogans or sayings on it such as, "what are you looking at?" or "you suck!"?
6. Do you tailgate people on the road?
7. Do you pass people only to drive the same speed or slower in front of them?
8. Do you ever embellish a story for no apparent reason?
9. Do you hop on the trend wagon with phrases like, "I know, right?"

...This little quiz is intended as a social barometer. A kind of opportunity for you to take a look at yourself and see where you are at in relation to where you'd like to be in society.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

People That Need To Be Slapped (In No Particular Order)

These are people that, in my humble opinion, desperately need a very stiff-fingered slap which is warranted by their audacity.

'P. Diddy' which is short for 'Puff Diddy', which is a longer way of saying 'Diddy', which is another way of saying 'Puff Daddy', which is another way of saying 'Puffy' which are all egonyms for Sean Combs who has contributed next to nothing to humanity, but for some reason, needs a whole bunch of names for validation. In the world of rap, 'Diddy' makes cameo appearances left and right on other "artists" songs wherein he may dollop a "yeah" here or garnish with a sprig of "uh" there. It would seem that this collaboration is what we're all supposed to be so excited about. Anyhow, all of this adds up to the need for a severe slapping.

Bret Michaels has been begging for a harsh flogging for over two decades - Ever since I first saw him prancing around stage with the rest of the cross-dressing ensemble of bubblegum garbage known as 'Poison'. Here he is, decades later, getting his picture all over the pathetic tabloids...It's a chick with whiskers that can't sing, people...let's move on to something worthy of the time and attention. Incidentally, the wearing of the bandanna in the hospital bed is cause enough for a smack!

"All hat and no cattle" Mr. McGoo here, er uh McGraw, is simply in love with himself. Remember when cowboys were grungy, dirty, hard-working prairie dogs who slept in the dirt and had no teeth? Men wanted to be cowboys back then because of how "manly" cowboys were. So how do you explain this? The well-scrubbed, manicured, pedicured, cucumber and seaweed peel wrapped cowperson of today apparently dons a crisp $700 hat and has no problem bringing the blue of his eyes out with ambient lighting to sell cologne at Wal-Mart. The smackometer is pegging out!

"I'm Julia Roberts and I'm eating some gelato and I'm going to ride my bike through a rice paddy and then ride an elephant and find myself while travelling abroad and sip cappuccinos and be obnoxious and women everywhere will want to be me and think I'm adorable and I'M GONNA GET SMACKED!!"