Sunday, February 6, 2011
Collegiate Words People Like To Use Only Because It Makes Them Feel Smarter
*WARNING - The following list contains terms and content that may be objectionable to some readers. The language is of an extremely audacious nature and should only be read by bearded, elbow-patches-on-my-corduroy-jacket pontificators who hold PhD's in either the Social Sciences(?) or the Liberal Arts(Huh?)...Consider yourself warned.
1) Adjunct - Attached to another but in a subordinate position. Less than. Kind of important, but not really. For example, you would be adjunct to someone who uses the word "adjunct".
2) Syllabus - An arrogant word for "outline" or "list".
3) Cum Laude - Hey, look at me...I can say something in Greek!
4) Alumni - Greek(Arrogant) for 'Graduate'.
5) Curriculum - GREEK AGAIN!!! A pretentious word for 'classes offered'. You see, it would be remiss for one deemed academically superior to simply say, "Welcome to our college. Here is a list of the classes we offer." The idea is to initially demean and belittle, instilling the desire to apply for a $50,000.00 student loan in order to become educated by the people laying down terms like "curriculum" which you will never EVER be able to repay working at Starbucks.
6) Laureate - Another term for someone who is better than others. The higher education system is replete with terms which enable oneself to condescend.
7) Accolades - KoolAid for intellectuals.
8) Baccalaureate - 'Laureate' and then some!
9) Roster - Yet another pretentious word for 'List'. *see 'Syllabus'. This term is often borrowed by "lesser" educators such as, say, Jr. High School teachers (note that 'Roster' is only two syllables).
10) Prof - Abbreviation for 'Professor', which will quickly become quite beneath you when you run in higher academic circles.
11) Salutatorian - Almost the best. You're better than almost everyone else!
12) Valedictorian - A 'Salutatorian' and a bag of chips;)
Thank you for your patronage. Now, if you'll excuse me, I believe I shall retire to the study.