barquedust's babbleon

Thursday, January 8, 2009

for a while, i must admit, i was a little upset at how many of you were naming your babies after me without asking me first. but i've decided that i'm just going to overlook the past and make it official - from now on, you all have my permission to name your children William if you want. i just think it was inconsiderate.

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Deep Thoughts

deep inventions: The Talkie Walkie. it functions nearly identically to the Walkie Talkie, but it also has a mute button and an MP3 player. you simply talk while you walk...or listen to music.
-barquedust

"isn't a large part of what we call 'science' really just luck?"
-barquedust

"If I bought a company that made hot dog buns, on Day 1 we would add 2 buns to every package ... Day 2, work on deliciousness."
- Mitch Hedberg

"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too."
-Mitch Hedberg

"So what, exactly, is the difference between a 'number' and a 'numeral' - i mean apart from pretense?"
- barquedust

"opium is the opiate of the masses."
- barquedust

"guns are a double edged sword."
- al cracker

"if trees could scream would man be so cavalier about cutting them down? maybe - if they screamed all the time for no good reason."
- Jack Handey

"i bet outer space isn't nearly as big as everybody thinks it is."
- barquedust

"i have an idea for getting out of work. bring a refrigerator box to work and just get inside whenever your boss comes around. how do you keep him from looking inside? simple: write EMPTY with a magic marker on the outside."
-al cracker

"if you absolutely MUST write poetry, please keep it short. thanks."
-barquedust

"if two birds in a nest yearn for their mother but she never returns, is it okay to go ahead and cook and eat them? probably not, if they're robins, but otherwise i say go ahead."
-barquedust

"sometimes i wonder if history isn't trying to teach us something. if it is, i bet its something to do with math."
-barquedust

"a pretty funny scenario for a sitcom would be this guy who was going to write a letter, so he tells his dog to go get him a pen. but the dog comes back with a pencil and the guy gets mad and scolds the dog for not knowing the difference between a pen and a pencil. then the guy starts writing his letter and you know what happens? he makes a mistake and erases it. just then he looks over at the dog and the dog looks up at him and then they both start cracking up."
-al Cracker

deep inventions: the automated computer - it's like a regular computer, but all of the computations are to be made at will by the simple press of a button. or sometimes, for some computations, a few buttons.
-barquedust