Recent Studies Show Sexual Intercourse Number One Cause of Pregnancy

A recent study by researchers at the University of Buckley in Boston released its findings today with some surprising results. The panel of clinicians and doctors formally announced its 212 page report conclusive - The number One cause of pregnancy in America in 2009 - sexual intercourse.
The announcement came early this morning in a press release, nearly two months earlier than its scheduled quarterly report. When asked why the sudden conclusion Dr. Ezra Heintz of Buckley told us, "The evidence was simply too overwhelming to ignore. After just six weeks the lab results were consistent in nearly every case study. The pattern began emerging and the conclusive results could not be disputed. It's now a verified scientific fact. Once we had the results in front of us there was really no need to investigate any further."
Physicians analyzed data from over 2000 individual studies of genome sequencing and DNA testing. "Each time," said the board of gynecology at U.B. "the cause of the pregnancy was consistently traced back to the same singular event."
Researchers say that couples who engaged in sexual intercourse were as much as 100% more likely to become pregnant than those known to have been completely abstinent. Telling numbers indeed.
Doctors say that sexual intercourse could be responsible for at least half of all the pregnancies throughout the United States in the last few decades. "It now seems more likely than not", said one of the panelists. The cause next likely to result in pregnancy was found to be artificial insemination.
"At this point, anything seems possible and we're not ruling anything out...but intercourse now seems to be the main culprit," stated Dr. Heintz. When asked which of the two sexes were more responsible for the actual conception Dr. Heintz told us "we're not exactly sure how the female subjects became pregnant, but at this point it seems evident that the egg played no small roll and therefore, I would have to say that it is likely to be the female who is most responsible for conception." A statement, some say, likely to be used as evidence in countless "Deadbeat Dad" cases across the nation.
The independent study was funded by the Food and Drug Administration and by Federal Grants with monies allocated from the tax-payers at large. The findings came in just under the allotted budget of $3.5 million.
2010 Babbleon News